Unsolicited Advice: A Biblical Perspective on Humility and Wisdom
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We've all been there—either on the receiving end of advice we never asked for or, if we're honest, on the giving end of it. As someone who has walked with the Lord for many years, I've often found myself in situations where I felt the urge to speak up, to share what I know, to correct or guide someone in the "right" direction. However, over time, I've learned that there is a fine line between offering wisdom and becoming what the Bible might describe as a "fool" who is quick to speak and slow to listen.
The Urge to Give Advice
In my own life, I have found it easy to slip into a pattern where I assume I have the answers. After all, I have the Word of God at my disposal, years of experience in my Christian walk, and a genuine desire to help others avoid pitfalls. Yet, the Bible warns us about the dangers of offering unsolicited advice, especially when it stems from a place of pride or self-righteousness.
Proverbs 18:2 says, "A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion." This verse hit me hard the first time I truly meditated on it. How often have I been more interested in sharing my thoughts rather than seeking to understand someone else's perspective? The Lord began to show me that sometimes, the most loving thing I can do is to simply listen.
The Danger of a Know-It-All Attitude
One of the most profound lessons I've learned is the difference between knowledge and wisdom. Knowledge is having information; wisdom is knowing when and how to use that information. The Bible is clear that wisdom is a virtue that should be sought after diligently, yet it also warns us against being wise in our own eyes.
Proverbs 12:15 tells us, "The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice." This verse reminds me that humility is at the core of wisdom. A wise person is not someone who constantly gives advice but someone who is willing to listen, even when they believe they have the right answer. In fact, the more I grow in my faith, the more I realize that wisdom often involves keeping my mouth closed.
Jesus Himself modeled this humility. In Matthew 7:3-5, He taught, "Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." Jesus’ words here are a powerful reminder that before I even consider giving advice or correction, I must first examine my own life.
The Power of Listening
One of the most significant shifts in my life came when I began to prioritize listening over speaking. The Bible repeatedly emphasizes the importance of being slow to speak and quick to listen.
James 1:19 says, "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger." This verse has become a guiding principle in my interactions with others. I've learned that by truly listening—by giving someone my full attention—I am showing them love and respect. It also gives the Holy Spirit room to work in the conversation, rather than me trying to take control with my own words.
Listening is not just about hearing words; it’s about understanding the heart behind those words. When I take the time to listen, I can better discern whether my advice is needed or whether what the person truly needs is simply to be heard and understood. Often, people aren’t looking for solutions; they’re looking for someone who will walk with them through their struggles.
Knowing When to Speak
There are times when advice is needed and even welcomed. The Bible speaks highly of wise counsel and the importance of seeking advice from those who are spiritually mature.
Proverbs 15:22 states, "Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed." However, the key here is that the advice is sought after. There is a world of difference between someone coming to you for guidance and you offering it unsolicited. When someone seeks your advice, they are often in a place where they are ready to receive it, which makes it more likely that the advice will be taken to heart.
Even then, it’s crucial to approach the situation with humility. 1 Peter 5:5 says, "Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’" When offering advice, I try to remember that I don’t have all the answers—only God does. My role is to point people to Him, not to rely on my own understanding.
The Role of Prayer in Giving Advice
Another lesson I’ve learned is the importance of prayer before offering advice. In the past, I was quick to speak, believing that my experiences or knowledge could help someone. However, I’ve come to understand that my words, no matter how well-intentioned, are powerless without the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
Proverbs 3:5-6 instructs us, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." Before I give advice now, I pray. I ask God to give me the right words, if any, and to help me discern whether speaking up is even necessary. Sometimes, after praying, I feel led to remain silent, trusting that God is working in the situation without my intervention.
Prayer also helps me check my motives. Am I offering advice because I truly want to help, or because I want to appear knowledgeable? Am I being driven by love, or by a desire to control the situation? These are questions I bring before the Lord in prayer, and they help me approach the situation with the right heart.
The Blessing of Silence
There is a time for everything, as Ecclesiastes reminds us: "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven… a time to keep silence, and a time to speak" (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 7). In my walk with the Lord, I’ve found that silence can often be more powerful than words.
In moments of silence, God can speak to the heart of the other person in ways that my words never could. Silence gives room for reflection, for the Holy Spirit to work, and for the other person to process their thoughts without feeling pressured or judged.
Proverbs 17:27-28 teaches, "Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent." This verse has encouraged me to embrace silence as a form of wisdom. It’s a reminder that I don’t always need to have the last word, or any word at all, to be helpful or loving.
Recommended Books to Further Study the Subject
As I continue to grow in my faith, I’m learning that humility and wisdom go hand in hand. Giving unsolicited advice, especially in a know-it-all fashion, often stems from pride—a desire to be seen as knowledgeable or to control the outcome of a situation. However, the Bible calls us to a different way of living, one that prioritizes listening, humility, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
I encourage you, as I encourage myself, to resist the urge to speak when it’s not necessary. Instead, let’s strive to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Let’s pray for wisdom and discernment in our interactions with others, remembering that sometimes the best advice we can give is the one that’s never spoken, but lived out through our love, patience, and silent presence.
In a world that often values quick answers and immediate solutions, may we be people who reflect the wisdom of God—knowing when to speak, when to stay silent, and always seeking to build others up in love.
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